The bitter end

At some point, after the shouting and crying and anger, if you still run in the same circles the inevitable thing happens, you meet the new girlfriend of your ex.

I wanted to be the first one to drop the bomb and show up with a sex toy hanging off my arm at some joint party, but after a string of losers who never made the "introduce to friends" cut and my current 10-month old renter (more on that later), I was the one sitting there single and being forced to be the better (abet more obviously lonely) person.

When you break up, you play that moment over and over again. In your mind you have just the right cutting comment to leave you feeling on top of the situation. Still, until you see him walk in, escorted by an aging blonde you don't know the final call on the whole drama until it has all played out and the credits are being run.

I had wondered since the day I signed the papers on the dotted line, how I would feel. The answer, ticked. I wasn't angry because he had found a new friend, I was annoyed that instead of being the adult and bringing her over to introduce me, he slunk with her over to the far corner of the picnic and hid away like I was a potential problem when I have never been less that politically correct in situations like these.

My first gut reaction was to counter with completely ignoring their existence until I left, however a friend (playing on my better nature) encouraged me to be the more enlightened soul so I found myself setting across from the replacement. I'll admit that alcohol played a position in the introduction, because without a little bit of lubrication I'm not sure I could have handled the process of ponying up to a picnic table and introducing myself.

After some idle chit chat with them, I felt calmer - realizing that while she may be the person he had chosen after abandoning our marriage (long before I ultimately gave in and ended it), I was not feeling like I had not made the grade. She was reasonable (as far as I can tell) and seemed nice enough. She was, I'll admit, thinner but I am significantly more vibrant in a sort of explosive way. No matter how I played it, I was just not feeling like I didn't measure up and was easy to upgrade to a newer and better edition.

To be honest, I had wanted him to crawl through the muck of a series of poisoned relationships before understanding how badly he screwed up, groveled to me and I kicked his butt into the far corner of the room and walked away smirking. I guess I'll make do with the fact that it all felt "ok" overall although a bit weird.

I didn't feel jealous of her, I didn't feel happy for him (he destroyed my feelings for him years ago), I just felt relieved that the moment of meeting "the other" was done.

But on the fun side, next week "speed dating" which should bring tons of stories.